scottsterlingsfacefandomcom-20200214-history
Emergency Pitch Meeting/Transcript
Matt: Okay, guys, we need one more sketch, and we literally have twenty-five minutes before we go on. Any funny ideas? Anything? Jason: I keep wanting to write a sketch about birds. I don't have any ideas, but I think the idea is golden. Whitney: Okay, wait, what if we had a live birth in a sketch? Matt: Goo, what? Jason: Yes! Matt: What... what on earth would be funny about that at all? Whitney: Well, you know, the miracle of life! Life is funny! It'd be ironic or something! You know, the hipsters would really love it. Jason: Totally. Yeah. Mallory: Oh, I have an idea. Okay, so an old guy and a pig, they walk into a doctor's office, because twist, the guy has polio and he needs an amputation. Matt: No! Let me stop you right there! Mallory, we have talked about this! We can't make jokes about diseases! Let's go over the list one more time. Mallory: Okay. Whitney: List. Matt: Actually, Michael Jackson is okay. Mallory: Yeah. Whitney: Finally! Jason: I really want to write a sketch that's progressive and different… Matt: Yes! Jason: ...about birds. Matt: Oh. Jason: Okay, so what if we have ghost sheets on, except for we're not ghosts, we're owls, and we start hooting and hooting: "Hoot! Hoot!", and then one of us starts to waddle like a penguin. We're like: "What's going on?" "I don't know", and then finally, the last person takes out a feather, and places it, like so on the ground. Whitney: Wow. That was really beautiful, Jason. Jason: Yes. Whitney: Did you just come up with that? Jason: It literally flew into my head… Whitney: Flew in. Jason: ...and flew out. Whitney: Flew out. Mallory: Like a bird! Jason: Yes. Whitney: Yeah. Yeah, this one, I like it. Matt: No, I'm sorry, that wasn't a joke, that wasn't a sketch, that's nothing… there's nothing funny about that! And where did you get that feather? Mallory: Oh, I have a joke! I have a joke we can use! Knock, knock. Whitney: Who's there? Mallory: Your father. Whitney: Your father who? Mallory: What do you mean? It's your father, let me inside. Whitney: Wait, what? Mallory: Can't you recognize your own father's voice? Have some respect for your elders, your mother just died of polio, for crying out… Whitney: I do like that polio. Mallory: I forgot to not joke about polio. It's too bad because the rest of it was really working. Whitney: I was kind of confused. Whitney: Okay wait, what if… what if we had a sketch in the trenches of World War I, and there's blood and gangrene everywhere, and I'm missing a finger… Matt: No! Guys! Can you not have an idea that isn't so bleak? Come on, missing fingers! Let's consult the idea jar. "Fat". Okay, see, we're already off to a great start. Fatness is funny, let's write a sketch about a "Fat" "Burn victim". Okay. Seriously? We can't make jokes about that! We'll just depress people! Jason: Wow wait, I got it! What if this is the opening sketch? Matt: That sounds like a terrible idea. Jason: No! And we're in that sketch right now. Mallory: And I have polio! Jason: Yes! Whitney: Yeah! Category:Season 1